I hope it's clear from the previous post that I think confusion is the main problem in the current state of dating affairs.
I have a tip for you that stops the confusion:
When you're asking someone on a date, use the word date!
You could say "would you like to go on a casual coffee date?" If you want to make it clear but keep the pressure off.
If you've already hung out lots but you think the other party may be confused about your intentions, say "I'd really like to take you out to dinner, on a date." (The formality of the date plans themselves can be used as a tool to keep it cool or really let the person know what importance you're putting on the relationship at whatever stage it's at)
Yes, this means they're less likely to say 'yes' just because they're polite and confused enough to think you might mean just friends and they don't want to make a scene, say no and then have you say "oh no I meant just as friends" (which you really just do to hedge your bets and lessen the rejection). That person didn't really like you anyway. Pretending it's just friends doesn't help.
The Wing Girls of YouTube fame say if someone turns you down, you should just be cool and say "I respect that. But you should think about it, because I think we'd make a great couple" and then leave them be to... Yep, actually think about it. How would you feel if someone said that to you? I know I'd have a whole lot of respect, and I'd definitively think about it more!
Instead, try taking the risk, use the word date and make it clear!
Let me know how that goes for you! Remember a rejection may not mean the technique didn't work.
Monday, 21 January 2013
Sunday, 20 January 2013
The juice volume 1
Part 1 - let's get it together folks!
Relationships are on the minds of many of my friends, and yeah, my own mind too. It is a frequent topic of conversation. I have so many attractive, talented and kind single female friends that it's a bit crazy and we often discuss what we might be doing wrong! I also hear people say things like "that person likes you. you should be careful how you act or he might think you like him back." Before I go pointing fingers at any men, I thought there's something we all need to clear up - men and women.
And I propose that we have two choices.
In scenario A, we could all be so scared of giving people the wrong impression about our interest level, and pretty much avoid talking to people unless we have a particular interest in getting to know them (or making out with them.) In this scenario, it's unlikely that people of the opposite sex will be able to get to know each other very well, so dating would take the role of getting to know the other person more or less from scratch, and who we ask would be based on hearsay and basic attraction. Dating could need to happen more often for people to eventually find a good partner, and the process would need to be more casual, with the expectation that on this date you may very well discover you don't like the other person, or vice versa, or that you're incompatible, and that's totally OK. In this scenario, having high expectations would be unwise as there is huge room for error, but if it were approached casually it could be quite healthy.
In scenario B, we could forget about being afraid and strengthen our communities and acquaintance and friendship groups by being warm and friendly to everyone, despite their gender, reputation, eligibility, or looks. If we could all learn to be friendly and open, we would make many more friends, learn to understand people from a variety of different backgrounds, and when we developed a romantic interest in someone it would be more informed. We might also discover we could be attracted to someone quite different to what we anticipated, because even though they have brown hair, not red, and not a very well-developed six-pack, they're smart, funny and caring which makes you realise they're pretty decent looking anyway. In this scenario however, a date may be a more formal process with more at stake.
I think a lot of the problems we have with dating are based on confusion about whether we need to know or be attracted to someone before we go on a date, and what the other person asking us in a date means. Come on single people! Cast your vote, let's come to an agreement so we all know what's what!
This post doesn't come from a place of preaching, but has come about from thinking about some of the mistakes I have made myself.
Vote below in the comments section!
Relationships are on the minds of many of my friends, and yeah, my own mind too. It is a frequent topic of conversation. I have so many attractive, talented and kind single female friends that it's a bit crazy and we often discuss what we might be doing wrong! I also hear people say things like "that person likes you. you should be careful how you act or he might think you like him back." Before I go pointing fingers at any men, I thought there's something we all need to clear up - men and women.
And I propose that we have two choices.
In scenario A, we could all be so scared of giving people the wrong impression about our interest level, and pretty much avoid talking to people unless we have a particular interest in getting to know them (or making out with them.) In this scenario, it's unlikely that people of the opposite sex will be able to get to know each other very well, so dating would take the role of getting to know the other person more or less from scratch, and who we ask would be based on hearsay and basic attraction. Dating could need to happen more often for people to eventually find a good partner, and the process would need to be more casual, with the expectation that on this date you may very well discover you don't like the other person, or vice versa, or that you're incompatible, and that's totally OK. In this scenario, having high expectations would be unwise as there is huge room for error, but if it were approached casually it could be quite healthy.
In scenario B, we could forget about being afraid and strengthen our communities and acquaintance and friendship groups by being warm and friendly to everyone, despite their gender, reputation, eligibility, or looks. If we could all learn to be friendly and open, we would make many more friends, learn to understand people from a variety of different backgrounds, and when we developed a romantic interest in someone it would be more informed. We might also discover we could be attracted to someone quite different to what we anticipated, because even though they have brown hair, not red, and not a very well-developed six-pack, they're smart, funny and caring which makes you realise they're pretty decent looking anyway. In this scenario however, a date may be a more formal process with more at stake.
I think a lot of the problems we have with dating are based on confusion about whether we need to know or be attracted to someone before we go on a date, and what the other person asking us in a date means. Come on single people! Cast your vote, let's come to an agreement so we all know what's what!
This post doesn't come from a place of preaching, but has come about from thinking about some of the mistakes I have made myself.
Vote below in the comments section!
Monday, 14 January 2013
Tales of a Modern Hippie
I have been meaning to write this post for some time now.
It is a fairly well-known fact that my best asset is my hair. While I think I won the gene-pool jackpot on this one (thanks Dad... Na nanana naaa to my siblings), people often ask me what I wash it with. Then I tell them I wash my hair like a hippie.
Two out of three days I wash my hair with vinegar and bi carb! On the third day I wash with Sukin organic shampoo and conditioner.
The upsides of this process are that you save money, it's a bit better for the environment and your drains, but most importantly for me it stops buildup on the scalp which was causing yuckness, and I was getting pimples on my back which have all but gone away. It's actually really hard to get all that luscious conditioner off your skin! Another upside is I find my hair is far less knotty when washing this way as the oils aren't stripped out of your hair as with shampoo, they are more absorbed and then balanced.
First step - wet hair, then rinse hair with maybe 30-40ml white vinegar in the bottom of a cup, topped up with water. Rinse again with water.
Second step - put about 4 heaped teaspoons (more if you have big head - ha - or your hair is really super yuck dirty) in another cup and then put just enough water in to make a thick paste (not chalky still but not runny. If it's too runny it just runs away from you!). Apply this paste to your scalp and any dirty parts of hair. If it's not ages since you washed I find you don't need to cover every square millimetre of your scalp, but you MUST get all the way around your hair line and part (that's where it'll be obvious if you missed a spot). I find, with 4 teaspoons, I usually have some left to do some other patches. Massage the paste into your scalp focusing on those same areas. Rinse.
Third step - dilute 1 teaspoon of apple cider vinegar in one cup of water and pour through hair. Rinse well.
Step four - once hair is dry, make sure you brush it otherwise it can clump together a bit funny. This will be worse if you don't dilute your apple cider vinegar enough. You can even try just using a spray bottle to apply it so you get less on.
Well folks, I don't know if this would work well for people with less agreeable hair than I have, and I definitely wouldn't use it on hair that's been dyed dark (hairdressers use bi carb to strip buildup and excess colour sometimes) and if in doubt find a hippie hairdresser or a hippie who does dye (I don't anymore) and ask them. But apparently washing your hair this way isn't super unusual, and if you're poor or have clogged skin it's certainly worth a try!
For people who think a lady needs to be high-maintenance - take THAT!
It is a fairly well-known fact that my best asset is my hair. While I think I won the gene-pool jackpot on this one (thanks Dad... Na nanana naaa to my siblings), people often ask me what I wash it with. Then I tell them I wash my hair like a hippie.
Two out of three days I wash my hair with vinegar and bi carb! On the third day I wash with Sukin organic shampoo and conditioner.
The upsides of this process are that you save money, it's a bit better for the environment and your drains, but most importantly for me it stops buildup on the scalp which was causing yuckness, and I was getting pimples on my back which have all but gone away. It's actually really hard to get all that luscious conditioner off your skin! Another upside is I find my hair is far less knotty when washing this way as the oils aren't stripped out of your hair as with shampoo, they are more absorbed and then balanced.
First step - wet hair, then rinse hair with maybe 30-40ml white vinegar in the bottom of a cup, topped up with water. Rinse again with water.
Second step - put about 4 heaped teaspoons (more if you have big head - ha - or your hair is really super yuck dirty) in another cup and then put just enough water in to make a thick paste (not chalky still but not runny. If it's too runny it just runs away from you!). Apply this paste to your scalp and any dirty parts of hair. If it's not ages since you washed I find you don't need to cover every square millimetre of your scalp, but you MUST get all the way around your hair line and part (that's where it'll be obvious if you missed a spot). I find, with 4 teaspoons, I usually have some left to do some other patches. Massage the paste into your scalp focusing on those same areas. Rinse.
Third step - dilute 1 teaspoon of apple cider vinegar in one cup of water and pour through hair. Rinse well.
Step four - once hair is dry, make sure you brush it otherwise it can clump together a bit funny. This will be worse if you don't dilute your apple cider vinegar enough. You can even try just using a spray bottle to apply it so you get less on.
Well folks, I don't know if this would work well for people with less agreeable hair than I have, and I definitely wouldn't use it on hair that's been dyed dark (hairdressers use bi carb to strip buildup and excess colour sometimes) and if in doubt find a hippie hairdresser or a hippie who does dye (I don't anymore) and ask them. But apparently washing your hair this way isn't super unusual, and if you're poor or have clogged skin it's certainly worth a try!
For people who think a lady needs to be high-maintenance - take THAT!
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