As Christmas time is approaching, many of you may be wondering what gifts to give people for Christmas. Let me say I do not believe this is something we should take lightly because Gifts is one of the five love languages. It is a valid way of showing our love to people, and it is the main thing that contributes to some peoples' feeling loved and appreciated. I also know many people who rate gifts as their last preference for receiving love and what I have just said may seem alien to you. I think it is great for us to acknowledge how everyone is different, and how those differences are valid. It is also very important that we help those who we love and value to comprehend and receive the value we have for them.
A popular thing to do is to buy a donation to a charity and give the certificate as a gift. While these can be comical (I once gave someone manure for farming in a third world nation!) they can send the wrong message to someone who receives loves through gifts: that you don't know them or care about what they want and need. Also be careful about your motives for doing such things: are you subconsciously judging them as being materialistic or selfish and sticking it to them through this gift?
I think it is GREAT to be generous, especially at a time of year known for excess in the first world. But isn't it better to be generous out of our own money and sacrifice something of our comfort, rather than sacrificing something that could have been used to build up our friends and family? Remember, many people in our communities feel disconnected and unloved, perhaps contributing to, or at least not helping, existing mental health problems.
If you truly believe your special someone doesn't need anything, a more thoughtful way to go about this might be to ask them (or find out covertly) what their favourite charity or cause is, and make a donation on their behalf towards something they are passionate about. If you simply don't know what to buy, watch and listen; there are clues in your everyday interactions. If you don't spend enough time with the person to have these opportunities, yet you are obliged to buy them a present, perhaps that's a sign that you should be more involved in their life? Swallow your pride and connect.
In the end asking for gift suggestions isn't that bad either. You still get to be thoughtful in the process of the final selection (unless the request is too specific!)
If the person you're buying for is a Quality Time primary love receiver, the best thing you can do is buy them an activity you can spend time doing together.
To conclude, get to know the people in your life who primarily receive love through gifts. Your gift is a tangible expression of your feelings or value for them that will speak much louder than words.
(...funnily enough, the next topic!)
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